My mother refers to my dad as David. She refers to the guy that knocker her up as my father and wants me to get to know his family because he's dead. I've never felt like I was a part of any family, but I guess I could give this one a try. More for them than for me. They were always nice in the past. It's weird though because all I know about him is that he's a lot older than my mom and that she lived with him when she was 17 and that's when she got pregnant. I know that he had a problem with cocaine and that's why she didn't stay with him. Oh and that he forgot me somewhere once. When I was in elementary school I went to Puerto Rico for three summers in a row to visit him in his family. I only saw him the second time though because the other two times I was there he was in jail. My last memory of him was when my mom and I went down-state and she went to visit her friend and she saw him on the street. When she got out of the car they made small talk then he said, "Rebecca is beautiful. We made a beautiful kid. Let's go upstairs and make another one." He didn't say anything to me except hello.  She told me that in the last years that he was alive he got his life together and wanted to make things right with me. It's hard for me to give a fuck when that day on the street is the last memory I have of him. I'm sure this sounds like I'm angry at him. I'm not. I'm not anything at him. I'm angry at my mother. She could go about this a lot better but instead she makes him seem like her one true love and that it pained her to liver her life without him when the only thing I had ever heard about up until this point is that he had a coke problem and she married my dad because I needed a father. Why is it always something with her?

In more exciting news: I'm pretty sure I found the apartment complex Josh and I will end up living in when we move. I can't wait to move. I never even hated it here. I think this place is a black hole that sucks you in and before you know it 20 years have gone by but I've lived in worse places. I'm excited because I get to be somewhere new. A new town. A new state. A new apartment. The most exciting part of it all is that I get to do all of this with Josh. In 14 days I won't work at HB anymore. In a little over a month I won't live in Florida anymore. When we get to TN I'm going to have everybody call me Rebecca. I'm a big girl now.