Steal for me

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:07:08 GMT

I filled out my appliction for APSU today. I don't know if I'll get a chance to go now though. Josh came home today and said that another unit got it's deployment pushed up to October and to mentally prepare myself for him getting deployed by January. It's definetly not set in stone but I don't know how I feel about it. Should I even attempt going to school here just for a semester? I know a deployment is going to blow but I am feeling okay with it possibly being pushed up. It's going to happen no matter what and I'm sort of feeling like "let's just get it over with." I don't know man.

Shhhit

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:39:39 GMT

Josh has been in Ft. Knox for a week and a half and will be home 3 days later than he was supposed to because some d bag is a d bag and fucks things up for everybody.

I only post here when the emo kid in me comes out. I wasn't even aware that I had an emo kid deep down until moving here.

My dreams are so much bigger than this place.

I'll suck it up and fucking deal, and hang on to the fact that it can really only get better from here.

Positive:
he's the cats fucking pajamas.
I have a summer job so I'll have something to do (even if it's only for 10 hours a week)
I'm almost positive that in 6 months time I'll finally be going to school for something that I will finish.
I made cupcakes and cookies from scratch today.
I'm being healthier.

My sad realization:

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:13:43 GMT

I long for a connection with my friends but I don't have anything in common with them anymore. I cry so easily here.

I'm not as strong as I tell myself.

Tue, 19 May 2009 17:57:02 GMT

Two other units have already gotten their orders. Josh has heard that they're more than likely going to deploy next July. I feel so overwhelmed. I know that I'll go through the natural course of emotions. I want to put on a happy face and put the idea of deployment in the back of my mind. I want to have fun with Josh.

I don't like complaining and being unhappy but I am both.

Sat, 09 May 2009 02:26:26 GMT

I'm just not as good at being mean as you are.

Thu, 07 May 2009 20:29:24 GMT

I wasn't expecting to miss Florida but I do. I want something to do. I always had something to do there.

I should use this more often

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:43:58 GMT

Hello LJ, old pal. I promise to post in you more.

2008

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 04:34:16 GMT

The year two-thousand and eight has been the most memorable for me to date. It started out with a crazy idea with an amazing boy that ended the year as the best decision I have ever made. This year I lived by myself and it helped me to realize a thing or two about myself. My love grew for him in that little apartment and now our love grows in this one that's a little bigger. I got Valentine who makes me smile numerous times a day and in between being annoyed, I think she makes Veronica smile too. Josh joined the Army and it has changed our lives for the good and I am very proud of him for all that he does for us. Not us as in US but as in the two of us. He's the man and I'm his little wife and to my surprise I'm quite content with that. In 2008 I quit a job that I had for three years, a place where it was hard to see myself without, a place I loved/hated. I don't miss it. I don't not miss it. I nothing it and that is something I didn't expect. I went to Vegas for the first time ever this year. We became Mr. & Mrs. there and it's everything I could have wanted. I voted for the first time ever this year and I feel like my vote counted. Barrack Obama became president and I eagerly await his presidency. I drove the longest straight trip that I have personally driven ever and it was with all of my things I felt nearest and dearest to me to take to our new home, though at the time, I didn't know where home would be yet. The military sent us to KY/TN and it's not as bad as I had thought it was going to be. I actually kind of like it. It's a lot different but I was itching for a change and as cliche as it may sound, I could go anywhere with him and be happy.
2009 is the beginning of my life, I feel. I'm going to start an exciting new job where I'm my own boss and I have finally got my head on straight about going to school. I'm going to start a two year course in January to become a medical assistant. After that we'll have a better idea if we're going to stay in this area for a while more or if we'll be moving and I can go from there with continuing my education. I never imagined that being married would suit me so well but holy crap I couldn't be more happy and I'm so excited for this upcoming year with him. I know there will be years to come that seem to go by in a haze but I know this one will stand out because it's our first in TN and as a married couple and I can't wait for it. I want to soak up every day of it.
The only way I can think to describe how I fell right now is like this: On birthdays, other people always ask you if you feel any different. Everybody always answers, "no." Well, this year my answer is yes. This year I've been given the best gift of all...genuine happiness.

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:26:34 GMT

I feel sad today. I'm not sure why.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 17:59:18 GMT

My mother refers to my dad as David. She refers to the guy that knocker her up as my father and wants me to get to know his family because he's dead. I've never felt like I was a part of any family, but I guess I could give this one a try. More for them than for me. They were always nice in the past. It's weird though because all I know about him is that he's a lot older than my mom and that she lived with him when she was 17 and that's when she got pregnant. I know that he had a problem with cocaine and that's why she didn't stay with him. Oh and that he forgot me somewhere once. When I was in elementary school I went to Puerto Rico for three summers in a row to visit him in his family. I only saw him the second time though because the other two times I was there he was in jail. My last memory of him was when my mom and I went down-state and she went to visit her friend and she saw him on the street. When she got out of the car they made small talk then he said, "Rebecca is beautiful. We made a beautiful kid. Let's go upstairs and make another one." He didn't say anything to me except hello. She told me that in the last years that he was alive he got his life together and wanted to make things right with me. It's hard for me to give a fuck when that day on the street is the last memory I have of him. I'm sure this sounds like I'm angry at him. I'm not. I'm not anything at him. I'm angry at my mother. She could go about this a lot better but instead she makes him seem like her one true love and that it pained her to liver her life without him when the only thing I had ever heard about up until this point is that he had a coke problem and she married my dad because I needed a father. Why is it always something with her?

In more exciting news: I'm pretty sure I found the apartment complex Josh and I will end up living in when we move. I can't wait to move. I never even hated it here. I think this place is a black hole that sucks you in and before you know it 20 years have gone by but I've lived in worse places. I'm excited because I get to be somewhere new. A new town. A new state. A new apartment. The most exciting part of it all is that I get to do all of this with Josh. In 14 days I won't work at HB anymore. In a little over a month I won't live in Florida anymore. When we get to TN I'm going to have everybody call me Rebecca. I'm a big girl now.

Fresh

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:44:44 GMT

I get headaches now.
I'm addicted to SVU.
Oriental raman noodles are amazing.
Don't have many days of work left.
Maybe I'll work on making lists.
Maybe I won't.

Angel spread your wings

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:08:18 GMT

A few I will miss. A lot I will not. One thing I can say about myself is that I keep a level of loyalty and honesty with those who are my friends. Once you don't give me that back, I am done with you. Originally I thought this post was going to be about how I rarely maintain friendships long term. I kind of thought it was my fault. Then I thought about the people I have lost that closeness with and I realized it's them. Not all of them, some people just naturally grow up and apart. Some people are just too self absorbed to see why people don't like them. Grats on being a dumbass.

I'm hungry. Hungry for food and Slug.
The both of you better watch out because here I come.

Q: What's up?

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 05:10:58 GMT

A: I have forgotten how to use livejournal for the most part. Seriously. Nobody uses LJ anymore so it does not make much of a difference but I can still come here to see myself think. If I have managed to add you as a friend and people ever ask you what happened to me you can point them here. I have my dress and shoes. Josh's ring is on it's way. When I got my dress I was a little bit sad for the first time through this whole experience for not keeping in touch with my friends because I had nobody to share that with. There's Josh but he doesn't want to see it and I understand that and he's in Texas. Oh well. We're tentatively getting married on November 28th.
     Living alone is something I feel accomplished about. I don't feel accomplished with anything school or work related but I feel like I make up for that in the fact that I'm happy. Living alone is something I've always wanted to do at some point. I didn't imagine it coming at this time in my life but I also didn't see myself getting married pretty much ever. It's a good feeling to be able to do everything on your own.
     Josh has orders to report to Ft. Campbell, KY on December 13, 2008 so I will be moving shortly before that. Ft. Campbell is partly in Kentucky and partly in Tennessee. Right now we're looking at apartments in Clarksville, Tennessee.
     Finding the right words to put in your wedding vows and jamming into a few sentences is hard as fuck.

Hello out there

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 04:51:49 GMT

Hello world, this is Becky. I am going to give LJ another whirl for the first time in forever. I'm moving and sorry to say I'll forget to call and then too much time will have gone by when I do remember and MySpace is too impersonal. I will miss you when I move, friends but hopefully I'll actually use this account to stay up-to-date with the kids that still use LJ because the ones that do are the most important ones.
Over and out.

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 06:07:45 GMT

Sometimes you really irritate me.

Things are not so complicated as you make them.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 09:04:55 GMT

I wish that all of you would stop trying to make everybody so damn happy all of the time and make yourselves happy.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 02:32:20 GMT

I feel like there is a vise on my head.
My throught hurts when I swallow but my glands aren't swollen.
I think I feel warm but I can't really tell because my hands are so cold.
There is a terrible buzzing sound coming from the light.
I'm going to see Him.
Silver lining.

Zzzzz

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 16:27:20 GMT

I wore your jacket to sleep so that I could smell you when I woke up.
I woke up and smiled.

What's worse?

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 05:58:52 GMT

Is dating, not a lot, but a number of people worse than dating one person whom you're too good for, for an extended period of time?

Deception

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 17:27:27 GMT

When writing out the to/from addresses on envelopes for bill payments I like to write in different penmanship than I normally use. Sometimes it's really grand cursive, or I print with my left hand instead of my normal right hand. I like to switch where I put my own address also. I do these things incase there is an aspiring graphologist out there trying to figure me out.